I first met Katheryn when we were both pregnant, as part of our NCT antenatal group. She had very long hair at the time and struck me as gentle and graceful - and her American accent, and the fact that she'd lived and studied around the world, immediately made her stand out from the crowd. I remember she talked a lot about wanting a home birth, and I thought how very brave she was! That was my first inkling that Katheryn was passionate about how she wanted to be a mother, and didn't automatically follow convention. From the very beginning she always seemed to search out what was best for her and Oscar, not just going by the book. She sought homeopathic remedies when Oscar had ezcema, and I remember when Oscar went through a phase of only wanting to eat toast, Katheryn made him a very bizarre concoction of oats, fruit and pulses for breakfast each morning - saying that at least then she knew he was getting one meal with proper nutrition!! Whatever challenge she faced, Katheryn always seemed to find a way around it. Wanting to spend as much time as possible with Oscar, but also work, she got herself up to speed as a childminder - while also studying. She always seemed to just find a solution rather than getting stressed or complaining. I admired that.
Sharing pregnancy, childbirth and becoming a new mother together forges a strong connection in a group of women - and we all became very close in our NCT group. Katheryn didn't get her home birth but her desire to be instinctive and natural as Oscar's mummy was immediately obvious. She seemed to have real intuition and was so tuned in to Oscar. I remember her coming to my house one day and putting Oscar down for a nap - on our double bed so he wouldn't roll off. He was about 7 months old. I was worried there wasn't a baby monitor in the room but Katheryn said it didn't matter - and it didn't - she was so attuned to Oscar that she heard him stir the second he woke up. I hadn't heard a thing! She always seemed to have this incredible closeness with Oscar and I don't think I ever saw her frantic or stressed. She seemed to take everything in her stride and was so well organised - yet relaxed, always going with the flow, never worrying about how things 'should' be done.
Nothing seemed to faze Katheryn. I remember complaining about having to make a 'long trek' up to Yorkshire to see family - and Katheryn saying that she was also taking a trip 'up north' but was looking forward to the journey and that, in the States, people don't think anything of driving several hours to make visits. I felt very British and wingey! It shouldn't have come as any surprise, then, that Katheryn never minded getting on a bus with Oscar (no easy feat with a buggy!) to visit me at home, or meet with our group at playgrounds and playgroups. But I always appreciated that she offered to come over if I was having a 'bad day' and couldn't get out of the house with baby! When I visited her at home, she usually had another little boy there whom she was childminding - and she calmly and cheerfully facilitated between three babies clamouring for the same toys without so much as a raised eyebrow. She dealt with every difficulty with enviable calm and a sense of humour - and her bag was always full of healthy snacks and interesting toys, not the sweetie bribes I always seemed to be carrying to keep my daughter Hani in line! Oscar seemed to absorb her calm and they were such a joy to watch together. One of the last times I saw Katheryn, I was amused to see Oscar carrying around a potato masher - I asked about it and Katheryn said she'd told Oscar he could take one thing to the playground with him, and that's what he'd picked, and that was fine with her!
I was due to meet Katheryn on the day that she fell ill and with typical polite consideration she took the trouble to text to apologise for not being able to make it that day. I remain deeply shocked that we will not have another day, another time, together. I know that feeling is shared by the rest of our group. She will always be part of our NCT group in spirit and I will never forget her warmth, sense of humour, relaxed charm and gentle calm. She was a very good listener, a kind heart and the loveliest mummy a little boy could have. I knew her mainly as a fellow mum, and wish I'd got to know more of her - outside of all the pressing concerns of motherhood. I have learned so much more about her from other friends' tributes. I know that her specialness is in Oscar, and the intense love, sense of fun and wonderful care she gave him will live on through him. My heart goes out to David and Oscar, who I know loved Katheryn greatly and were greatly loved by her.
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