My beautiful American girl

We met first in November 2004. She was finishing her Masters at the Sorbonne in Paris. It was the morning following a party in London at Jon’s house. We sat next to each other and although we didn’t touch it felt like we did. I sensed her next to me and had an overwhelming desire to put my arm around her. She smelled so sweet – natural and feminine – her skin was perfect, her hair long and shining. And, of course, she was so beautiful.

Later I sent a bold email asking if she was coming to London for Christmas and saying that I would be very pleased if she did. She did, and that was the beginning.

At first it was a romantic dream, commuting between London and Paris for snatched weekends. Then her course finished and we decided she should come to live in London. That was in July 2005 and in September she was pregnant.

One of the things that makes me happiest is the knowledge that Oscar was a child we both wanted. From that very first conversation, when it had become apparent that she was carrying a child, despite the difficulties we faced and the newness of our relationship, we agreed without hesitation that this was something we both wanted

She said “It’s so scary” and I said “It is scary but I feel happy and I want this” and she beamed and nodded and said “Me too”.

She battled with living here in England. I joked how I had transformed her from an academic, studying a Masters, with a PhD place at UCLA into a stay-at-home Mom. Both Nome and I, independently, gave her the same card which read “I used to have a mind but now I have small children”. But for her it was real and painful. She missed her friends from home. She accepted her position, but only for now, and longed to live in France or California and looked forward to having a proper home and important people around her that loved her in the way that she wanted.

She had just started a part-time voluntary job that she loved in an independent publishing house. Oscar was starting to flourish from baby into boy with a burgeoning personality. And we were in love.

Now I can only hope to continue what she created. Her understated passions guide me everyday – nourishment of the body and the soul, and honest love for those that matter are standards that I strive to attain.

She is greatly missed, an aching gulf in our lives but she is there at my side, checking that Oscar is getting what he needs and chiding me in that gentle unique way she had.

My beautiful American girl.

David